Fin

Yesterday morning started at 5am Amsterdam time.  We made our way to the Schipol Airport where we spent an hour in security before being allowed through to the plane.  Apparently the security there is a big problem, and many of their airlines have re-routed to other airports to avoid this one.  It's a shame because it was a nice airport and it was easy to get to.

We flew from there to Paris Charles De Gaul where we had a 5 hour layover before boarding the flight home.  The flight was delayed an hour, and then we sat an hour on the plane at the gate before leaving to wait for checked luggage and to have a mechanic fix a seat on the plane.  The flight felt much longer because of that.

When we arrived in Miami, the kids completed their Global Entry interview and will be able to skim through customs the next time.  We loaded up in the car and started the drive back home. We arrived back home at 5am Amsterdam Time (The next day) and 11pm Florida time.  Tom took a bath, and then fell asleep on the bathroom rug when trying to dry off.  It was a long day.

The Trip...

I enjoyed Paris far more than I thought I would.  Everyone warned me about how short the French would be with English speakers, but I didn't find this to be the case.   Maybe it is because I tried to speak with them in French first.  Maybe it was because we stayed to Tourist locations where English was prevalent.  Maybe it was because we were just simply polite as well.  I don't know, but I didn't have that experience.  The only short, unpleasant interaction I had was with a train station attendant exchanging the demagnetized train passes.  I would expect that interaction to be unpleasant in America too.  Like dealing with the DMV.

Having the apartment with full kitchen was key to the experience as well.  I really was able to feel like Chuck in Paris, and get a decent experience of what it would be like to live there.  I had a difficult time understanding the French spoken to me the first time.  I had to ask "What?" quite a few times, but I was also convinced that if I had 4 months or so immersed in it, I would be able to get by absolutely fine without falling back on English.

Amsterdam was interesting.  The Canals and little shops on the small streets you think of when you think of Amsterdam was contrasted against a modern city right across the river from it.  Paris again had this right, forcing the glass high rises and more modern looking buildings outside of the city center.

I cannot smell very well, but the first thing Diana said when we got off the train in Amsterdam Centraal Station was, "Can you smell the weed?"  I couldn't, but when we walked to the Maritime Museum two days later, Little Chuck walked by a "Coffee Shop" and said, "It smells like skunks in there."   Apparently "Coffee Shop" means Weed, and "Cafe" means coffee.  We were so busy, I never had the chance to make the mistake.

Overall it was a great trip, and it was fun to do with the kids.  Europe however won't be the same for years.  The revolutions set it on fire, and they will fight each other in the Napoleonic wars, the revolutions of 1848, and finally into the two World Wars.  

For now, I'm going to pour a glass of water - neither still nor sparkling, just water -- over a glass full of ice, and set that next to my 12 ounce coffee.  Things America got right.

-- Fin --

L'Anniversaire

 

We prepared for battle today.  We would make our final assault on the Muiden Castle.  We believed that Prince Willy V of Orange was hiding in Count Floris V's castle. The castle was heavily fortified and situated behind a moat with two major waterways guarding its flanks and rear.  It was important that we strategize with our new Dutch friends before we began our attack.

Our knights dressed themselves up in their chainmail, breastplates, and helmets, while our young squires pulled down their batman masks and grabbed their wooden cudgels.  I mean swords.  Suitably dressed and with a proper plan of attack we began the forced march to the castle.

We attacked from all sides.  Some of our army were like para-tree-troopers, swooping into the castle from the plum tree field that grew to the rear of the castle.  The rest of our army made the main assault over the castle's obstacles and under its murder-holes.  Many brave men were lost this day but the operation was a success.  

We gained access to the main gate, lowered the draw bridge, and the rest of our army flooded in.  It turns out that Prince Willy V had already fled to England, but Count Floris was captured by our mob and promptly executed.  Our action was a success, and the Batavian Republic was established.

An interesting fact is that the French Revolutionary Tri-Color flag takes its inspiration from the older tri-color flag of The Netherlands.   The Netherlands has the tri-color horizontal, and the French Republic's tri-color is vertical.   Soviet Russia, which used the tune of the Marseilles for its national anthem, was replaced by the Russian Federation, which also uses the tri-color flag but with a different order of the red, white, and blue.

Lastly, we celebrated our successful Revolutions in both France and The Netherlands with fireworks for our Second Lieutenant's 12th Birthday.

Tomorrow we return to France to ensure the downfall of Robespierre and secure safe passage for our trip back to the New World.

L'impression de L'armee Nouvelle

 

We began the day being led by this crazy Van Gogh fellow.  He was missing an ear for some reason, and he didn't exactly want to be involved with our revolution.   He was more interested in rebelling against Impressionism.  He couldn't hear very well, and seemed drunk and a bit psychotic but he took us and our recently acquired bushels of tulips to our next stop.

We needed to raise money for both the rebellion against the Prince of Orange, and also to support our friends in the new French Republic, so we put our tulips on this merchant ship.  The Dutch East India Company would transport our tulips and sell them.  The best of tulips were being sold for over $1M USD, but most sold for $50,000 - $150,000.  If we could just sell a couple of them, the coffers would be full and we could recruit more men to our cause.

We were certain of the plan's success so we took time out to play a public piano.  I played an upbeat American Song: The Great Smoky Mountains. 

Later in the day, we came across a symbol of the revolution - the windmill - and we met with several of our compatriots in the militia who had gathered during The Night Watch.

Indeed, our plan to sell the tulips for a bubble of a profit was a massive success.  The people we sold them to however were left holding the bag when the market crashed shortly after we sold them.   It turns out tulips are a pretty sweet flower, with seemingly infinite variations, but they are still just a flower.

We were able to recruit a large army of Dutch resistance, and my wife was able to build a cavalry force of Babboe Big Cargo Bikes.  This may seem like a silly bike, but you can put an 8 pound cannon up front.  We rebels now have mobile artillery.

Indeed we finished the day having successfully started the Batavian Revolution.  Prince Willy V of Orange may flee the city of Amsterdam.

Tomorrow we stage an assault on the castle...

Les Nouvelles Fleurs Jaunes

In order to meet the Patriottentijid, there were many secret pathways and secret codes we had to decipher successfully otherwise we would be sent back to France and be turned over to Robespierre and suffer the Guillotine.  We began the day on a boat ride down one of the dykes that keep many of the land areas in Amsterdam dry.   Sailing past farms that were several feet below sea level in a rain storm when the water level was already at the top of the dykes was nerve wracking for me.  I don't know how the farmers live like that.  They would need far more than just a single little boy if any of the dykes actually did spring a leak.  It appeared to me they were only a two inch rain-storm away from utter disaster.

The successful passage of the first test on the boat ride introduced us to our secret Patriottenijid guide.  He was an obvious revolutionary with the trademark bushy mustache and disheveled hair.  I have not graduated to the disheveled hair phase of revolutionary-ism,  but I've got the bushy mustache down just as well as this glorious specimen. 

Our revolutionary guide dropped us off at Keukenhof for the most difficult test yet.  We had to navigate a treacherous maze of hedgerows.  These hedgerows were thought by military minds to be impenetrable, and defenses often focused on more exposed areas.  But we were like Rhino Tanks and cut our way through them.  This allowed us to meet our rendezvous at the old windmill.  It became easy after that and our pathway was freshly manicured grass lined by tulips.  It is the safest we have felt in days.

We made it to a large body of water where we received our final clue letting us know that we were both on the correct path, and still had more work to do.  The color was like the gilets jaunes.  Most importantly, it was not Orange like the Prince of Orange we were helping to conspire against.   We have more work to do tomorrow...

Le Vieille Orange

 

After our midnight flight down the freezing Sienne River, our revolutionary friends helped taxi us away to a safe train station.  We were early enough that we had time for the Five Guys in our party to get hamburgers, fries, and sodas at the Cinq Mecs (Five Guys) restaurant in the train station.  While our starving bellies were being filled, I snuck away to order a venti Cafe Noir (Large Black Coffee) from the Starbucks in the station.   I ordered it in perfect French, and was then asked by the barista what my name was in perfect English.  I don't get it, but the French tour guide said it was because they saw it as a chance to practice their English.  I'll take what I can get, thought I suspect she may have just been being nice.

Luckily, the train was fancy.  It went super fast and had free wi-fi.  The Revolutionaries had research to do on who to connect with on our arrival in Amsterdam.  We intended to meet up with the Patriottentijid, a group of Revolutionaries in Amsterdam, who opposed the rule of Prince William V - The Prince of Orange.  We are from Florida.  We drink Orange Juice for breakfast!  

Prince William had also joined forces with the enemies of the French Revolution, and attacked the new French Republic in the War of the First Coalition.  Napoleon was able to first make a name for himself in this war protecting the French Republic.  

Our day was filled mostly with our spirited flight away from Paris in the dark of night, but after we met up with our compatriots in Amsterdam, we made fun of Le-Olde-Duke-O-Orange by making an effigy of him with our food.  

Tomorrow we start early and will be conspiring against the tulips and windmills at Keukenhof.

Décapité et courant vite

 

We began the hunt for the traitor Danton today at the Rue de Trois Freres (Road of Three Brothers).  You may notice the Space Invaders below the road sign.  This may be the sign of the break-off Dantonists.  It was first found at the bottom of The Mountain at Montmartre.  The Sacre Coeur sits at the top of Montmartre and we believe Danton has taken refuge in the church. You can upload a photo of these space invaders to the Flash Invaders app using the revolutionary iPhone, and you will receive points for every Dantonist decapitated.

The revolutionary mob mounted their noble steeds and set off up Montmartre to find Danton.  They did not tilt at windmills nor listen to the sirens' song of the Can-can.  They rode around the circle up the carousel to the church at the top of the mountain.

Alas, we were thwarted yet again!  Danton was not in the large, newer church that the Catholics have built on the peak of Montmartre, nor was he in the older church built during the middle ages shown in the photograph above.  After we descended back down the mountain, we learned that Danton had been captured, tried, and was beheaded.  We can't be sure these are his remains being handled behind this truck, but why couldn't they be is the question.  He was a prime slice of meat.

Since Robespierre was firmly in charge of the National Assembly, Danton was dead, and the Catholics had retreated to safety in the Netherlands, we took the liberty to visit a shop of antiquities that sold contraptions in boxes that captured light and placed their images on paper or tin or ... well I'm not sure how a lot of them work to be honest, but collecting them is a passion of my father in law.  While the revolutionary mob was recuperating from their assault on Montmartre, I took my father in law to Antiq-Photo where he could explore adding new cameras to his collection.  

Alas, the visit led to a betrayal.  One of the employees of the camera shop must have thought one of us was a Catholic, or went to Catholic High-School, so he betrayed us, and Robespierre tried to have us arrested.  Luckily, Joseph Fouche warned us in time and saved us!  He was spreading a rumor amongst the National Assembly members that Robespierre was plotting to have each of the members killed.  His plan, if it comes to fruition, is to overthrow Robespierre!  

We fled in haste in a late night pontoon boat ride down the Sienne river.  It was rainy and freezing, but unlike that dirty Catholic, Danton, our heads are still attached.  

 

Le Roi a arrete!

 

The King has been arested!  Na-na-na-na-boo-boo!

We revolutionaries gave up on the King's Metro system and rather fell back on Ye-Olde-Uber to coordinate our attacks.  King Louie was unable to capriciously authorize who made it through his Metro System via the process of de-magnetization, and the Tulieres Palace - now destroyed, rebuilt, and known as The Louvre was stormed.  His Swiss Guard was massacred and he was arrested.  Luckily, a picture of the assault on the Swiss Guards was captured below:

After the King's capture, we were able to reap the spoils of his palace.  One of our young mob was able to explain to us the meaning of a headless, armless sculpture called the "The Winged Victory of Samothrace."  Apparently, in a famous Baseball movie titled The Sandlot, the winged goddess of victory -- Nike -- was mentioned.   I have seen this movie maybe 1,000 times, and I don't remember this part, so I must watch it 1,001 times now, but the oldest member of our young mob knew what this sculpture represented and insisted that we take a photo.

After this, there were several moments that foreshadowed the future.  

King Louie had a photo of Marat dead in a bathtub.  Rumors are that a Catholic girl - Charlotte Corday - is plotting his demise.  Our audacious leader George Jacque Danton has also fled the city and rumors are that he has fallen in love with a different Catholic girl - Louise Sebastien Gely.  It appears that she and her religious beliefs have caused a change of heart in Danton, and she is lobbying for him to save his soul by returning to Paris to stop the Reign of Terror that has begun and has seen many, many people guillotined to death.   

With the spoils that King Louie left, one of our revolutionaries grasped the crown from the Pope's clutches, told the Pope to sit down and shut up, and then crowned himself.  The Pope, simply being at the service, marked the return of the Catholic clergy and religion to the French society.

Revolutionaries and Insurrectionists must have fun, so here they are recreating one of the many sculptures looted during the Insurrection and Revolution.  This sculpture is titled, Le Roi a arrete.

One of the members of the haphazard mob who arrested King Louie took to the royal food stores.  At gunpoint, he forced the royal chef to cook him snails.  He called this Escargot, which sounds really, really fancy.  He said it was good.  He made two of his junior revolutionaries eat them as well.   They said it was good.   I said, "YOU ARE EATING SNAILS!"  and I almost converted to the Catholic, royalist resistance to our revolution right then and there! 

Luckily, I soon met an impressive revolutionary - Monsieur Eiffel.  He was working on building a grand, iron structure in celebration of our revolution.   He showed me images of the illuminated tower, and exclaimed that he could have lights sparkle at every hour on the hour after sundown to celebrate our revolution.   That was it.  I put the silly thoughts of joining the royalist Catholic resistance behind me.  It was then that I began to conspire against our leader Danton and his new alleged conversion to Catholicism.  Guillotines may be required. 

Tomorrow, we go to the Sacre Coeur...  I believe Danton will be there in the morning... 

 

Prise Versailles

We began the morning with a delicious home cooked breakfast of scrambled eggs, sliced ham, and fruit that we had bought before our trip and were stocked and ready for us in our apartment.  We then made our way to the Metro station to purchase metro-cards and take the hour long train ride South to the palace of Versailles.

Because in France, we belong to the Third-Estate, the Metro-card station did not like any of our credit cards.  We had to order our Paris Visite passes from the attendant.  It was a perfect opportunity to use my French and I was able to get our passes.  We then set off on the train to see King Louie at his palace in Versailles.

King Louie had other plans to crush the rebellion though, and he commanded that the commuter train we had to transfer to stop at the Musee D'Orsay.  Without any posted indication anywhere we have seen, that stop had become a terminus for the line.  We got off the train just in time to arrange an Uber to pick us up and drive us to the palace at Versailles before we missed any of the revolutionary action.

In fact, we later learned that King Louie had introduced a very sensitive magnetic strip to the Paris Visite metro passes.   Each time we wanted to ride a train that day, even though we allegedly had system-wide access to all of the Paris Metro, the cards never worked.  The first attendant who exchanged our cards, lied and said keeping them near a phone de-magnetizes them.  Therefore, we began keeping them in our pockets.  That also demagnetizes the cards.  The attendant recommended we keep them in tissue paper.  That is not a joke.  It is a ruse by the King's agents to create a run on toilet paper and therefore allow him to stay in power.

Nonetheless, we arrived at the palace of Versailles, commandeered two of the King's Golf Carts and went off in search for him in his massive gardens.  Versailles was beautiful and we learned that despite all of the King's wealth, he couldn't figure out the plumbing required to constantly maintain all of his numerous and ornate fountains.  The fabulous mirror room was also a room of historic importance, the most notable of which was being the room in which the Treaty of Versailles was signed, thereby ending the war to end all wars.  

Alas, King Louie, his wife Marie Antoinette and his children had already stopped using Versailles, moved full time into Paris, and even tried to escape our clutches.  We had to content ourselves with raiding his stores of supplies and having a picnic on his behalf instead!  Let them eat Ham and Cheese Sandwiches!

One thing of note is that every time I have tried to use French with the French, they have responded to me in English.  This disconnect in communication is reason for me to believe why the real storming happened at the Bastille, and not at Versailles as I was led to believe by my fellow revolutionaries.

Tomorrow -- The Louvre and Le Tour de Eiffel...

Le Premier Jour de un Monde Nouvelle

In a little less than a month from now, 230 years ago, Georges Jacques Danton will be guillotined to death a short time before the French Revolution's aftermath - The Reign of Terror - will come to an end.  He was one of the major figures of the Revolution and one cannot say that he had pure motives at the outset of it, when he exclaimed "Il nous faut de l’audace, encore de l’audace, toujours de l’audace, et la France est sauvée!"  (We need audacity, more audactiy, always audacity, and France is saved!")

So, in solidarity with this ugly, really not at all good looking guy, and with my own recently scarred up face, it was time for the Krblich revolutionaries to descend on Paris with all of our audacity and see what we could overthrow.

In fact, "Today" began at 9am in the morning in Sarasota, Florida.  We began the day by driving to Naples to pick up Grandpa, and then heading down to the Miami International Airport.  This is roughly 5 hours by car. 

We timed it well enough to be at the airport 3 hours early for our flight which left at 8:50pm Eastern Standard Time.  The flight crew were fantastic.  They accepted my orders in French, and apparently kids are given their own Air Mail package that has colored pencils, a coloring book, and a small toy airplane.  When I saw the package, I thought of the audacity of another Frenchman Antoine de Saint-Exupery.  Exupery was an airmail pilot and is best know for his book The Little Prince.  I like him for his novel Wind, Sand, and Stars, and it's message that there is a Mozart that lives in each of us.  Something I did not believe myself for a long time.

We arrived in Paris this morning at 10:15am local Paris time.  The Charles De Gaul airport is a maze that involves several flights of escalators, a tram ride, and a big maze of customs lines before you then get to ride another escalator down another level to the actual baggage claim.  

Charles De Gaul is another French politician in the spirit of Danton.  His "Politics of Grandeur" asserted that France is a major power who shouldn't rely on other powers like the United States to provide protection.  He opposed the creation of a supranational Europe, opposed the American intervention in Vietnam, and controversially exclaimed "Vive le Quebec libre!" (Long live the Free Quebec!) Audacious for sure.  Frankly, I'm surprised there is still an airport named after a guy like that.

His airport must be a ruse to throw off unsuspecting Catholics not supporting the Jacobin French Revolution!   (More on this and Danton later...)

My French was put to a true test today.  Completely exhausted, I've made several mistakes.  I used "Vous" (You) rather than "Votre" (Your).  I went into a restaurant and used the informal you (Tu) rather than the formal you (Vous) to ask for a table.  I completely flubbed asking "Can we have some water?"  And I apparently need to learn the words for Still vs. Sparkling water.   

No civilized person drinks sparkling water.  The French Revolutionaries spent all that time creating their own calendar and they became stuck with this divide over the proper type of water.  C'est Fou!

That said, I did get a compliment on my French, and I complemented the proprietor of our apartment and her cleaning lady in French for their speed to assist us with cleaning it so we could move in for the week.  I'm pretty sure I surprised them there.  That one I did not mess up!

So, at 4pm Paris Time - 11am Florida time (more than 24 hours after we started, and with less then 30 minutes of sleep I could manage on the plane), we settled in and are calling it a night for this group of revolutionaries.  

Tomorrow, we storm Versailles!